


Ghost of You

by tenaciouspterodactyl



Category: Naruto
Genre: Blood and Gore, Flower Crowns, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-26 04:35:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3837310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenaciouspterodactyl/pseuds/tenaciouspterodactyl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the famed Copy Ninja, there was one man whose mere memory could bring him to his knees.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kakashi realized that he had nearly forgotten how nice a breeze could feel against his bare face. He frowned to himself at the realization. Then pushed the thought aside. He would never forsake the mask permanently, simply to enjoy such a mere luxury.

Obito elbowed him sharply in the ribs and Kakashi turned to him with an angry hiss.

“Don’t think so hard,” he said with a grin, “you’ll upset the flowers.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

But the thirteen year old had succeeded in rescuing Kakashi from his own thoughts. He smiled back at his best friend and could almost forget the rest of the world. And maybe they really could, here in this little niche. If he pushed all the bloodstains, legacies, and shame to the back of his mind and stared at the plants instead, let Obito’s laugh clog his ears.

He had no idea how Obito had found this place, banging on the Hatake’s door at god-knows-how-early and demanding they go on a picnic to a ‘super secret cool place’ _._

And so the young Hatake prodigy found himself sitting on the grassy hillside next to the Uchiha outcast, an empty picnic basket and their jackets discarded haphazardly behind them as they enjoyed the sunshine. Although he had rolled his eyes and huffed the entire journey here, he admittedly liked this place.

Their hike through the forest had led to a series of gently rolling hills, completely devoid of trees in favor of tall grasses that shifted in waves like the sea, dotted with pastel colored wildflowers. It was just the two of them, not a soul in sight for leagues. It almost seemed too clique and perfect to be real, like some sort of idealized dream.

Obito shot up on his feet and trounced off into the grass with a manic giggle, a kunai clutched in one hand.

“What’s gotten into you this time?”

“You’ll see!” was Obito’s only answer, crouching down into the stalks.

Kakashi scoffed, “Kunai aren’t children’s toys you know.”

“Shut up, I know that!”

“What are you doing then? There’s no imminent danger and nothing to use as target practice.” He leaned forward with a gin, “Unless you would like to spar?”

“Would you think about something other than training for once in your bloody life?!”

Obito soon returned to their little clearing where they had (competitively) stomped the grass flat, and dropped a bundle of freshly cut flowers.

“What are y--”

“You’ll see.” He said, plopping down cross-legged in front of the pile and getting to work doing something with the worthless plants. Really Kakashi didn’t see the point in flowers unless they held some sort of medicinal value or were at a special ceremonial event. He didn’t own a flower vase and never planned to.

He released a long sigh. There was no use in questioning or stopping Obito Uchiha once he got an idea into that head of his. He pulled a sharpening stone out of his bag and got to work on one of his own kunai. Ignoring the scowl Obito shot his way. Because _apparently_ today was supposed to be about relaxing, not working.

 

Kakashi was absorbed in his work, lulled by the rhythmic scraping. He felt something brush the hair at the back of his head and startled, dropping the whetstone and flipping the kunai into a deadly grip. He twisted around to find Obito grinning at him impishly.

“Ooh did I catch the great prodigy boy off his guard?” he cooed, dancing out of the way with a laugh when Kakashi swiped at him.

“What do you want?” he narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the way Obito’s hands were hidden behind his back. Obito’s grin got impossibly wider as he thrusted something colorful and _leafy_ into his face.

Kakashi blinked in surprise.

“It’s a crown dumbass.”

“I know that.”

Kakashi faltered, unsure of what to say in response to the unexpected gift. He cursed himself silently for shedding the mask when he felt his cheeks heat up.

“I just uh- thanks.”

“That’s all you can manage!? Thanks?” I worked hard on that you know!”

He met Obito’s gaze and smiled softly. “Yeah it looks nice.”

It really did. Kakashi had always been impressed with Obito’s artistic talents. Three different wild flowers were neatly woven into a circlet: daffodils, honeysuckle, and oak-leaf geraniums. The daffodil petals were pale yellow like the fresh, reaching sunrays of a new day. They contrasted well with the unrelenting warmth of the other pink flowers.

 

Obito snatched the circlet from his hands. “You’re supposed to wear it!” He gently positioned it on Kakashi’s head. He surveyed his handiwork and glanced away, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Obito?”

“C-cute.”

Kakashi thought his skin would melt off from how hot his face felt.

“H-hey!”

“You are! You’re so cute!”

“Shut up asshole!”

Obito _giggled_ and so Kakashi did what he always did when didn’t know how to handle his feelings around Obito-- he hit him.

The whack held no real force but soon the two found themselves wrestling in the dirt, which died down to mutual laughter, which settled into a comfortable silence as they sat side by side, watching the clouds.

 

Kakashi had his legs drawn up to his chest, with his long thin arms wrapped around them, and his chin atop his knees. Obito lay beside him, stretched out comfortably in the grass. Occasionally he would point to a cloud drifting by and relate it to something incredibly random or obscure. Kakashi was still wearing the flowers in his hair. _Because they smelt nice_ , he told himself, but knowing that it wasn’t the only reason he hadn’t torn the crown off by now.

Obito pulled himself into a sitting position, and Kakashi _felt_ rather than saw his desire. He turned his head to the side, and met Obito’s lips with a practiced ease.

The kiss was soft and gentle and it made Kakashi’s toes curl against the bottoms of his sandals. He felt Obito smile against his mouth and cupped his face in his hands and kissed him a little harder.

Obito pushed on his knee and Kakashi obediently stretched his legs out in front of him, allowing Obito to eagerly crawl into his lap. He wound his arms around his waist and sucked on the tongue that had found it’s way into his mouth. He couldn’t stop the whine from escaping his throat when Obito’s fingers tugged sharply on the back of his hair. Obito’s mouth moved to trail wet half kisses-half bites along his jawline. Kakashi shivered and it had nothing to do with the breeze, then Obito’s warm lips were at his ear.

“You let Rin die.”

Kakashi jerked his head back and was met with a lone red, lazily-swirling eye. The other was missing, a gaping bloody hole left instead.

“You let her die.” He repeated, leaning closer, a thick string of blood dripping from his socket onto Kakashi’s shirt.

He wanted to scream but the sound got clogged in his throat. He attempted to pull him self out from underneath Obito, but his back was pushed harshly into the ground instead. Obito leaned over him while the sky above rapidly swirled and darkened to grey charcoal.

“I--” Kakashi managed to choke out.

Obito sat up on his haunches and cocked his head to the side. Both his eyes were missing now. The wounds appeared to be fresh and left rivulets of red down his pale cheeks.

“You _what_?” He asked, his voice cold and mocking. “You just let her die.”

The temperature dropped and the wind picked up, brining the smell of oncoming rain.

Kakashi finally found the will to move and squirmed away from the other boy’s weight. Obito let him scramble away on his hands and knees.

The flowers had disappeared. The grasses had gone brown, their dead blades sharp against his bare palms. In a panic, Kakashi groped at his hair, feeling for the floral crown. It was gone.

Obito’s laugh clung near like a wet shirt and he stood on shaky legs to escape it.

He had only managed a few steps when a hand wrapped around his ankle and yanked hard, pulling him into the unforgiving ground. Obito was like a house cat letting its prey skitter away into an illusion of freedom, only to pounce again.

Kakashi’s nails ruts through the dry dirt in a fruitless attempt to yank himself away.

“Where do you think you’re going? Obito’s voice taunted, before snapping into a roar “You haven’t apologized yet!”

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I didn’t-- I didn’t mean to! I tried so hard to protect her, I--”

Obito’s bark of laughter cut him off. His voice was a deep baritone now, unmistakably adult.

“You really think sorry is good enough?” He laughed again, “Apologizing won’t do shit for what you’ve done Kakashi. You’re nothing but trash. You’ll never be anything but.”

Kakashi finally twisted around to face at his attacker and felt his stomach churn.

The entire right side of Obito’s body was mangled beyond repair. The skin torn open in patches to expose a moist mess of pink and red. Bones protruded through flesh and limbs twisted at unnatural angles.

Defiled because of Kakashi’s own shortcomings.

“I’ll never forgive you.” The man’s voice whispered, while the left side of the boy’s face twisted into a wild grin. His good hand released Kakashi’s ankle to claw up his calf. Kakashi desperately crawled backwards, but the fingers clung tightly to his pants. Obito allowed his gnarled body to be dragged along, those sockets intensely fixated on Kakashi as if they could still see.

“You’ll never be forgiven.”

The wind whipped at the brittle grass, creating a sound like rattling bones, an instrumental for Obito’s endless manic laughter.

Kakashi finally screamed.


	2. Chapter 2

Kakashi Hatake woke up in bed with a jolt, panting as if his room had been sucked of all its oxygen. His sweat soaked shirt clung to him like a second skin. _Obito’s laugh clung near like a wet shirt and he stood on shaky legs to escape it._ _He had only—_ Visions of blood and storm clouds flashed beneath his eyelids.

Kakashi bowed his head and tugged on his hair, sucking air greedily through his mouth, yet he couldn’t seem to get enough of it. Obito’s laugh was still echoing on a loop inside his skull. He pulled harder on his pale hair and relished the sharp pain. The pain was real. _That_ was not.

_“I’ll never forgive you.”_

Oh but that part was so so real. He didn’t deserve forgiveness. He didn’t deserve anything. Nothing. Trash.

_“You’re nothing but trash. You’ll never be anything but.”_

 “Trash. Trash. Trash. Trash. Trash.”

He stopped chanting the word once he realized he was speaking it aloud. But it remained in his head. Adding lyrics to Obito’s horrid laughter.

Eventually he stopped rocking back and forth. His breathing and heart rate having finally slowed to a more regular pace.

His fingers were fisted in the duvet, illuminated by the faint morning sunlight that shone through the blinds. The hands were large, with long spidery veins and fingers. Decorated with faint scars and rough callouses. A man’s hands, not a boy’s. The twelve year old from his dream was gone.

 _This is real, the dream is not._ He repeated the mantra in his head until he noticed that Obito’s laughter had long since dissipated.

He looked up and blinked in his surroundings. The dawn light, the smoothness of his bed sheets, a bird chirping outside. The dream already felt worlds away. That wasn’t the first time Obito Uchiha had haunted his nightmares after all.

He glanced at the clock. 5:23 AM. He forced his thoughts down deeper into whichever circle of hell he banished them to when duty called.  He was meeting Sakura at the training grounds at 7:30.

 

His bare feet hit the wooden floor with a shinobi’s grace and he stripped himself of his rancid sweaty pajamas, padding into the bathroom and running a scalding hot shower.

The water pressure cleaned the sweat from his skin as the heat seared away the few demons that still clung to his brain. It felt so good he allowed a few additional minutes on to his normally disciplined, short showers.

But when he wiped the condensation from the mirror and saw himself, the dark purplish half circles under his eyes, the face he normally hid underneath fabric along with all his shame. Then the demons came slithering back from the abyss, cackling all the while. He gripped the edges of the sink until his knuckles went white.

_“You’re nothing but trash. You’ll never be anything but.”_

 

A little red case with the staff of Asclepius sewn on the front. Emptied of basic first-aid supplies and instead fully stocked with hypodermic needles and little glass bottles of emergency field morphine. Far more than a non-medic nin was legalized to carry, but he had his ways. It was in the medicine cabinet, which was located directly above his head and to the left. All he had to do was reach out, let deft fingers carry him through memorized motions and he’d be in euphoric bliss.

He gripped the sink harder and if he actually cared he may have been afraid the porcelain would fracture. Kakashi had several recurring nightmares. But that one was new. He didn’t know how to handle something that wasn’t routine. And that happy little intro, that part had been the worst. Because he greedily craved what he didn’t deserve. And if he passed out in a drugged stupor, maybe, just maybe, he could return to that field of green

But he didn’t have time for that. After his arranged training with Sakura he had to report to the Hokage’s office and had a schedule full of soldier’s duties for the remainder of the day. No time to lay in bed worthlessly and shoot away his self-loathing.

He took several deep breaths and steeled his nerves in a manner that came from years of practice. And this time when he expelled the filthy demons, he made sure to shut Hell’s gate.

His undivided attention went into the methodical movements of his toothbrush, getting dressed, cooking breakfast. He would have time to reflect once he arrived _there_.  

 

As he stood in the threshold fully uniformed, he released a deep breath and pulled a familiar fabric over his face. He grabbed a worn paperback and flipped to one of his favorite scenes. He read as he strolled nonchalantly down the sunny sidewalk towards his destination, no one the wiser that one of Konoha’s finest woke up nearly every morning screaming.


	3. Chapter 3

 

He knew the route so well that he barely had to glance up from his novel as he made his way down the dirt path that skirted the training grounds and led a ways into the forest, to a certain clearing with a stark grey stone.

 

He had nearly made it to the edge of the woods when he heard it; that deep voice from the depths of his nightmare. Except this time it wasn’t inside his head. It was behind him and not a foot away. He felt as though his blood cells had ceased flowing and his limbs rendered immobile along with them.

 

“Kakashi,” came the amused voice.

Obito stepped in front of him, blocking his path.

“Ooh did I catch the great Copy Ninja off his guard?” he asked with a mischievous grin and a tilt of his head, a head that was sporting a Konoha Hitai and a simple black eye patch.

 

Kakashi drew a sharp intake of breath as memories came flooding back.

Feeling Obito’s chakra pulsing nearby as they fought side by side. Slipping into a rhythmic synergy as easily as his father’s old sword into its sheath.

Madara’s limp body lain upon the dust, dead at last.

Naruto’s victory cheers.

Counting corpses.

Sakura tending to his wounds.

Arguing with Tsunade. Her distrusting eyes cutting into Obito like shards of amber.

Returning the village.

Being able to rest at last.

The trial.

Obito and Sasuke receiving pardons.

The way Obito had stared down at the folded vest in his hands. His tears. He called him a crybaby and Obito gently shoved him back. Almost like old times.

 

That was five months ago.

So long since Obito Uchiha had returned alive to Konoha, yet even such a miraculous event couldn’t kill the thoughts and habits that Kakashi had been haunted by for over eighteen years.

 

Kakashi came to and realized his name was being called. Obito’s grin was gone and replaced with an expression of deep concern.

“Kakashi! Kakashi are you ok?!” He took a step forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Kakashi exhaled and it came out as a bark of hysterical laughter instead.

He looked into Obito’s visible onyx eye and smiled beneath his mask, because he was real. Not just some memory layered over idealized memory until Obito was nothing more than a name, his idolized angel. He was here, flaws, scars and all, and his words were so painstakingly _real_.

He managed to speak, his voice a bit hoarse. “Yeah I’m fine. Great actually.”

Obito narrowed his eyes at him disbelievingly.

“Kakashi--” he began, with an undertone of threat to his concern.

Kakashi took a step back, shrugging out of Obito’s grasp.

“Just tired is all. Didn’t get much sleep last night I’m afraid.” He scratched the back of his head and offered an awkward, false chuckle.

Obito ground his scarred jaw and glared at him.

Kakashi shoved his hands deep into his pants pockets and cleared his throat, silently cursing the way Obito could read him in a way no else could, the way he had always been able to, since they were children.  ~~~~

“So.” He started, voice carefully level, “Where were you headed to before you decided to so graciously startle me?”

Obito stared at him for a long moment before rolling his eye and sighing dramatically.

“I was going to catch some ramen for breakfast with Naruto before turning in a report. You could join us if you like. If you’re not too busy being an insufferable prick that is.”

“No I don’t have any other plans. I’d love to join,” he replied cheerily.

Obito scowled and gave him one last suspicious once-over before walking in the direction Kakashi had just come from.

Kakashi fell into step beside him, towards Ichiraku and the sunrise and away from the memorial stone and the dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews appreciated as always~


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